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Return to First Love

Updated: Oct 29, 2023

Healing through faith journey with guest blogger Susan Fleming from Heaven to Earth, LLC

Guest Writer's post
Return to First Love

I remember feeling the elation of Holy Spirit inside me when I was eight years old. I started carrying my Bible to school and talking to everyone about Jesus. I was over the moon in love with Him. I fell hard and fast. He was my best friend! I talked to Him about everything - literally. You could not have convinced me that Jesus was anything but exceptional.

Somewhere between eight and twenty seven I lost my way. Along the path of adolescence I allowed peer pressure and boys to chip away at my love. I was once enamored with Jesus, and now I could barely remember His face. There was no desire to commune with Him.

I was hurt and placed blame where it did not belong. I knew I "should" want a relationship with God, but apathy had taken over. I saw no hope of being what we once were.

By this time I had married, given birth, and was now going through a divorce. I wanted to feel good or just feel something. I was numb inside. If you saw pictures of me then, you would see an empty shell of a woman who was once vibrant and full of life. It pains me now to remember thinking

"God won't help me, I'm disgusting. I sold my soul for a bowl of beans."

Therapy and medication kept me from going over the proverbial cliff, but I refused the one thing that could truly free me. I spent the next decade running from God and His love. Trying to fill the void I searched for a lesser love; one that I believed I deserved. The love that the world told me would stop the ache - romantic love. I remarried, but that didn't fix anything. It was unfair of me to put so much expectation on another human. After all, the problem was not a human one.

Determined not to end up divorced again, I found my way back to the scriptures. I knew that was the only thing that could help me. In second Corinthians Paul called ME a new creation, so why did I feel like the worst possible version of me? This became my focus, and I cried out to God in a new way. No longer asking questions instead simply stating my intention.

"I am going to love you again." At thirty-nine years old I slid off the side of my bed, closed my tear-filled eyes, and prayed to see Jesus face-to-face.

Bible Verse
Song of Solomon 4:7

He came to me just as I needed Him to be in that moment. We were instantly at my wedding day, and Jesus was my groom! He asked,

"Will you let me love you?" Without words my heart exclaimed "YES!!" and a wave crashed over me.

It was warm and full of compassion, yet also fierce and intense. I knew God was invading my very DNA to bring my body into the new creation reality. His love was healing my soul. Complete healing, not a temporary moment of feeling better. I knew this would last, because I was actually ready to receive this time.

That is the key to being more in love with God every moment – receiving. It's not about what you can do for God. He does not need anything from you. He wants to show you how much He loves YOU. Drop the idea that performance is the goal. Surrender every part of you, and receive what He has for you. I promise it will be better than anything you have yet to imagine!

Guest Blogger
Susan Fleming

Susan Fleming is a licensed mental health therapist, #1 international best-selling author, and host of Faith First Business podcast. She is the founder & CEO of Heaven to Earth LLC, which equips leaders to multiply L.I.F.E. without burning out in the process. As a Business Alignment Therapist, she specializes in teaching burned out leaders how to ditch the hustle and performance mentality to work from God's rest instead.

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